Our thanks to Candy for sharing her moving story about caring for her mom. Candy is an Alzheimer’s New Jersey® Support Group Facilitator for our Allendale Support Group.
My mom was funny, smart, loving and adored her family. She owned and operated a very successful business when moms were mostly homemakers. She was a religious schoolteacher. She was ahead of her time.
Although mom was very busy, my two brothers and I knew she loved us unconditionally. Mom was my best friend and was always by my side when I needed her most—during fun times and personal tragedies. She was always proud of me, no matter what I did. I couldn’t imagine her being any different, until she was.
Mom started repeating herself. She would forget meaningful things about running her business. Her handwriting changed and she stopped taking care of herself. She would get angry with me and accuse me of stealing her money and valuables. Then, the next day, mom would have no memory of the accusations, which were so hard to deal with. At that point, I knew mom
was sick.
A neurologist confirmed the Alzheimer’s diagnosis and the journey to understand this new life began. If I were to help mom, I knew I had to learn how to cope with her behavior changes. I was a teacher of neurologically impaired children for 30 years, and I knew each student had different ways of learning new behaviors. I needed to find new ways to help mom so
she would not get upset and agitated.
I googled Alzheimer’s in Bergen County, which led me to an Alzheimer’s New Jersey® support group that met at the Alzheimer’s New Jersey® Oradell once a month. My husband and I went to every meeting where I learned that there were many other people going through what
I had been feeling…. fear, frustration, and mourning over the loss of the mom I had known for 63 years. Truly, Alzheimer’s is a torturous, cruel disease.
Members of the support group shared their experiences and their ways of coping with issues that I was trying to work out. Elaine Winter, the group’s facilitator, and an Alzheimer’s New
Jersey® staff member, guided us to resources for additional help and suggested strategies to
deal with challenging behaviors.
I was not alone after all.
I attended Alzheimer’s New Jersey® functions, and I participated in the Walk to Fight Alzheimer’s® to raise funds and awareness. I told my husband that one day I would lead a group to help families cope with the various stages of this terrible disease.
My goal came to fruition. I completed the Alzheimer’s New Jersey® facilitator training program and now I do my best to support the participants in my Allendale support group. Being a caregiver is a hard, emotionally draining job. I volunteer to share what I have learned with
these courageous caregivers to honor my mom.
Several years ago, I came across an anonymous saying that resonates with me today.
“A mother holds her children’s hands for a while and their hearts forever.”
She is in MY heart forever.
— Candy
